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I have two “besties” that I have known since we went to Jr. High together in Las Vegas, Laverne and Tangerae.

We call each other Who-Res. It all started from a broken up, drunken text I sent them when I was living in California. I ment to call them whores.

But I was drunk.

I typo’d.

I spelled it out in two words:

Who.

Res.

They were so drunk they read it in two.

I seriously think it took those dumb bitches a good two days to figure out what I had called them.

The three of us have caused much trouble together.

However, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

Within 30 minutes of her arrival from Texas, Shirley almost got the four of us arrested! Shirley is Laverne’s mother.

You see Tangerae, Laverne and I started the day at my house having wine and pigging out on pizza. I was very large back then. I ate a lot of pizza.

And cheetos.

As the sun set the three of us piled into Laverne’s car and headed to the airport to pick up her mom, Shirley.

We parked then made our way to the terminal. Once inside we took a seat and waited.

Laverne received a text from Shirley, she was off the plane and headed our way. We started walking in Shirley’s direction.

Thats when we saw it.

Shirley was on the floor.

She was on her back, kicking her legs in the air. Her skirt had fallen down exposing her granny panties and the non-groomed surroundings. She was laughing like the cheshire cat.

Shirley was drunk.

Wanting to avoid a run in with TSA we helped Shirley up and got her to the car quickly. Well, as quickly as we could. Shirley kept stumbling.

Once inside we buckled up and headed out to the casino. This was Vegas after all! We were going to gamble.

The night was young!

On our way to the casino Shirley started talking about the cocaine her son had smuggled in from Mexico. She told us it was the purest shit she ever had. Laverne started to pout.

“Why didn’t you bring any for me?”
She whined.

Thats when it happened.

Sure as shit, Shirley reached down and pulled off her mammoth, sheet-like, cunt covers!

“I did!” She exclaimed. “In my underwear!”

There, between two maxi pads was a bag of rock cocaine!

Genius!

We pulled into the parking garage of the casino. Laverne parked.

We didn’t know it yet, but Laverne had settled us right under a surveillance camera.

Shirley handed her pussy dust to Laverne. Laverne began cutting up lines. Then with a rolled up twenty, both began snorting.

“What does that smell like, Laverne?” I chuckled. “Are you enjoying the smell of your moms cooch?”

“Shut up Who Res!”

Then, Laverne offered some to me.

There was a time in my life that I loved cocaine but that time had long since expired.

“No thanks, I’m not in the mood to sniff crotch tonight.” I said.

Tangerae declined as well. She and I were anxious to get in the casino. Laverne and Shirley were having too much fun and taking too long.

After about ten minutes we got them out of the car.

The four of us headed to the elevator.

Thats when it happened.

“Stop right there!”

It was security. On a bike.

“I just got a call that one of you ladies was seen putting a foreign substance up your nose!”

Without skipping a beat, wasted and fluttering, Shirley says,

“Yes sir! I was using my nasel allergy medication! I just got off the plane from Texas. I always have problems in the dry climate. Here’s my plane ticket!”

Shirley had obviously done this before!

The guard was skeptical.

After a few minutes of interrogation he let us go.

We gambled all our money away in a half an hour, which was good because I couldn’t enjoy myself after that. My OCPD kicked in. I kept looking for the police to haul our stupid ass’ off to jail.

After a few drinks and a few wasted twenties, we made our way back to the car.

Laverne dropped me at my house.

I said my goodbyes.

Then, just as they were about to pull away I had a change of heart.

Thats right.

I stopped them.

I went to the passenger window. Shirley rolled it down.

“Give me a line.” I said.

That white nosed, corpse of a skank did.

image

I snorted that powered, vaginal discharge right up my nose.

It smelled…..like drugs.

I didn’t sleep that night.

I’LL NEVER DO DRUGS AGAIN.

The end.

3 thoughts on “Coke Who Res

  1. Pingback: Bitches, Booze & Bikinis | It's not my fault.

  2. Pingback: Grand Theft Bacon | It's not my fault.

  3. Pingback: Who Res | It's not my fault.

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