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Guess what time it is?!

It’s peanut butter, JELLY DONUT time!

Ok, so, before I lost to Donut, this second time around, I actually had the lead for a little bit.

Thats right!

I had learned a few tricks and beat him at his own game…..for a second.

I watched my little, red, Italian avatar jump off a stack of bricks with his fist in the air! He grabbed onto a flag at the top of a poll and slid down.

5000 points!

I was going to the castle!

Donut and I made Thursday night our night to hang out. After roughly a month of this, with some planning, we found a weekend we both had off.

Without kids!

I wanted nothing more in the world than a romantic weekend alone, naked with Donut.

I could not tell Donut this. Donut likes a challenge.

Our conversation went like this,

Donut: “Friday night I’m going to a show. Saturday I’m going to the swap meet. Either you can stay Thursday night and leave when I go to the show around six on Friday or you can come by when I get home Friday night and stay until saturday afternoon when I go to the swap meet.

Pffft. Silly Donut! Tricks are for kids.

Me: “Hmm. Ya, I don’t think that will work for me. This is my only free weekend of the month. I was invited on a trip to -insert made up destination here- with -insert fake friend here- . If I only get one night and half a day with you I better just go on the -fake- trip.”

Donut: “Oh well, I guess maybe I can try to get you a ticket to the show. I don’t really think I can afford it. I don’t want you to miss out on a trip over me though.”

Me: “I’d rather see you because the trip is kind of a hassle because -insert lie here- . But if you can’t hang more than one day I will go.”

You get the point.

This went on for a day until I negotiated:

A FULL WEEKEND!!

With my little Apple Fritter.

Oh my God! I was so excited! I spent that week floating on clouds.

The night before my heavenly, love shack getaway I packed. This meant I stuffed as many whorey dresses and stripper heels I could into an over-night bag.

OK.

Three over-night bags.

Thursday night came. I loaded up my car and then stopped at the store. I bought Donuts favorite cheese snack, two bottles of champagne and orange juice.

Donut and I were going to have brunch together!

I had fantasized of this weekend for six years. I couldnt believe my dreams were becoming a reality.

I know Donut loved me because he bought me lingerie. No, I mean he bought me the expensive kind, costumes.

That night I got to play a dominatrix. I put on the tiny black dress, six inch hooker boots and a hat.

I pretty much sucked at it but I looked hot.

Anyway…

I tied my Deep Fried Daddy to his head board and then I spanked him and asked him if he loved me.

He said YES!

I put my finger in his donut hole.

Then, I did something REALLY DIRTY!

Ya right! I’m not telling you what I did this time, either!

I can not share these details of our ever binding love.

They are sacred!

Because:

I LOVE HIM!

Plus, I was pretty drunk.

When I was through, I cut off Donut’s restraints with his pocket knife.

That was very stupid. Donut is lucky I didn’t accidentally cut off an appendage.

I fell asleep in Donut’s arms.

The next morning we woke up and Donut filed me full of cream.

Donut is definitely, still in my top three of the best sex ever.

We got dressed, laughed and drank mimosa’s.

I put on the shortest shorts I could find. Donut watched, rubbed and complimented my legs.

image

As a matter of fact, Donut told me,

“You have the best legs of any girl ever.”

Donut drove us to the swap meet.

They happened to be closed that day.

No matter.

Donut asked me if I wanted to BBQ instead. I did. We went to the grocery store. I picked out lobster tails, Donut picked out shrimp, onions and peppers for kabobs.

We grabbed a case of beer.

Bottles of wine.

All the mixings for mojitos.

Guess what!

Donut PAID!

We got back to Donuts shit hole apartment and he lit the coals for the grill.

I muddled the mojitos. Then served us a drink.

We both went into the kitchen and prepared the kabobs together. We are a great team in the kitchen.

image
*Is Donut not the best BBQer ever? That’s a trick question because HE IS!!*

The food was done. I was grabbing the plates and finishing up the melted, garlic butter when Donut called me into the living room.

Thats when I saw it.

TV tray sasquatch!

Thats right!

Donut had a fold up table hiding behind his couch! He pulled it out and opened it up for this very special occasion.

The food, amazing!

Then we played video games and had more sex.

The seafood, along with the cheese spread I brought, were pretty much the only things we ate that day.

However, we drank ALL the alcohol.

It started to get dark and Donut suggested we put on a movie. I agreed.

Poor Donut!

He didn’t know that I have alcohol induced ADD. I can’t just sit still and watch anything when I’m drunk.

I rubbed Donuts feet and told him that one day, I would take care of him, when he’s old. I would even change his shitty diapers.

I WOULD!

I ruined the movie.

I’m an asshole.

Then I suggested we take a bath. Donut humored me. We crawled into his cracked, stained, tub together. He put on some Depeche Mode. I started bellowing along, horribly while screwing up the lyrics….

And thats where my memory ends.

The next morning I woke up in bed next to my precious, mound of dough.

I smiled to myself when I saw him. Then I crept my hand under the sheets and into his boxers. I lightly stroked his cock.

It was starting to get hard.

Donut moaned.

Then, he opened his eyes.

“No!” He said, half whining before rolling onto his stomach.

“What?” I asked, surprised.

“Leave me alone. Just go.” He said.

OH FUCK NO! NOT AGAIN! NOOOOOOO!

I looked at my wrists. They were fine.

Phew!

Still, I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.

I seriously had a major anxiety attack right there in bed. I was shaking uncontrollably.

“Wha…what, what did I do? I dont remember anything! Was it bad! Oh my God! I did it again, didn’t I?” I asked.

“UGH!” Donut said. “You weren’t bad. You were just fucking drunk and annoying. You wouldn’t go to bed and  kept waking me up.”

Half relieved, I reached for his cock again. He pushed my hand away.

Then, Donut said something that I couldnt believe.

He said pretty much the worst thing EVER!

“You reminded me of my X.”

That mother fucker.

He also said at one point I tried to stick a BBQ skewer up his bum!

HA HA HA HA HA!

I got up, showered, packed my things and got dressed for work.

When I was through, I went to kiss my Crumb Cake goodbye. He wouldn’t kiss me back. He wouldn’t even open his eyes.

I purposely left a razor and body wash in his shower. Then, I went to work.

I had the worst day EVER.

I tormented myself and drove my co-worker crazy. I tried texting Donut several apologies.

He ignored me.

As a matter of fact, Donut ignored me for three days.

I was devastated.

The third night, I was out at the track, sobbing, running harder than I’ve ever ran in my life when it happened.

Donut finally texted me.

He said, “Look, I guess we can still fuck but there will be no more sleep overs. Definitely no more weekends.”

WOW

I waited.

I ran some more.

I thought about it.

Magically, it happened.

I grew gonads.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I have to think about it.” I finally replied.

“What? What do you mean you have to think about it?” Donut was stunned. He was not expecting that.

Donut thought I was his bitch.

I said, “I’ll give it some thought. Frankly, I’m not sure I even want to see you anymore. Pretty much you treat me like shit.”

And that was it folks!

I won that round! I conquered the castle and fire balled the dragon!

The princess was safe for now.

It was on to level TWO!

The next time I went to his place my stuff was still in his shower!

That sexy man was dough in my hands!

For another few weeks anyway.

But thats another story!




3 thoughts on “Skewer Through The Heart

  1. Pingback: Bitches, Booze & Bikinis | It's not my fault.

  2. Pingback: Donut | It's not my fault.

  3. Pingback: Fluffy Donut | It's not my fault.

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