Baby Road Kill

Last night I was out for my evening run when I saw it.

A white Kia Soul!

It slowed down as it approached me.

The windows were rolled halfway down.

It went over a bump, then, it sped up. It disappeared around a corner.

I read the license plate.

It wasn’t him.

Now, I know what you are thinking! I said I was all done with this obsession!

I am!

This wasn’t my fault! The Kia’s are seeking me out! I’m being stalked and harassed! I was just going about my own business and everything!


~I’m eating my lunch at Red Robin right now, Donuts favorite place.~

I was attending cosmetology school in California, I was 18. Redbeard and I were trying to have a long distance relationship. If by long distance I mean Readbeard was still fucking dirty skanks all the while sending me love letters and calling me nightly.

The holidays were approaching (as you all know by now I seem to have bad luck around the holidays). I had two weeks of school vacation coming up and I couldn’t think of anything better in the world than to spend it with my tall, long haired, Pirate Captain.

So, I made plans to drive down to Las Vegas.

I remember working my regular six hour shift at my shitty, retail job the night before. I have not since had a longer shift at any job, ever. It was even longer than the day after the “Lit Fart incident!”.

I was so excited.

I barely slept that night. I was on the road by nine am. I arrived in town that afternoon with a giant smile on my face and a puddle in my panties!

I was just pulling down Redbeard’s street when I saw it.

I slammed on my breaks!

There, in the middle of the lane, was a giant, black Lab. Other than panting, the dog wasn’t moving. I honked my horn. It still didn’t budge.

That’s when I realized it.

The dog had been hit by a car.

I got out and walked towards it. I debated what to do. The dog was huge. I obviously couldn’t lift it. I couldn’t leave it there to die either (I used to like dogs, you know, before I had children)!

I needed a plan.

I was just a few yards from Redbeards apartment.

I got back in the car and hauled ass to Redbeards door. I knocked. He answered with a grin and his arms open waiting to pull me to him.

I gave him a half hearted hug then I said,

“Come with me! Get in the car I need your help!”

Redbeard was reluctant.

“Why?” he asked. “That wasn’t much of a hug!”

“Because there is a dog on the road that was hit by a car. We need to take him to a vet, I can’t lift him on my own!”

Redbeard stood there silent.

“No.” he finally said.

“What?!” I asked in shock. “You can’t say no!”

“Listen, I walk that way to work everyday. If I go help you get the dog and it doesnt live then I’ll have to think about this everyday when I walk by.” Redbeard explained.

“What?” was he serious? “Get in the fucking car, now!”

Redbeard got in the car.

When we arrived to where the dog was, we saw someone had already moved it to the sidewalk. A man had stopped while I was gone and was trying to help it.

So, we kept driving.

I thought of Redbeard a bit differently after that.

Later that night Redbeard made sweet love to me.

He kissed me like a hunk in a romance novel would. He made my body quiver and shake in a moment of passion that pretty much was his standard.

We cuddled. We talked about our future. Then, Redbeard decided to confess a secret to me. In his arms, listening to Depeche Mode, while hopelessly in love with my sea lord,

Redbeard told me, his female roommate had sucked him off just a few days prior.


Probably, I should have went home that next day. Instead I stayed. I tortured myself. When Redbeard went to work, I did something that I have never done before nor will ever do again in my life.

I snooped through his belongings.

I found dirty panties and love letters from other girls.

I was pissed off and hurt. Of course, Redbeard and I had never actually had a talk about monogamy. He reminded me of this.

I eventually forgave him.

A month had passed since my trip. I was accelerating in school. As a matter of fact I was out on the salon school floor. I had my own station and I was taking real clients!.As it turned out I had found my calling. I was a natural.

One afternoon, halfway through a hair cut, I felt something trickle down my leg.

“That’s strange!” I thought. My period wasn’t due yet. Or was it? Actually, ya it was. “Wait, when was my last period?” It was before Christmas. I was doing the calculations in my head, wondering if I should stop mid-way through my service and go to the bathroom when it happened.

Before I could even put down my comb a river was set loose. It was worse than Christina Aguilera at a tribute concert.

I looked down to see my feet were standing in the middle of a puddle.

A puddle of blood.

Right there in school, half way through a haircut, with a client in my chair, I was having a miscarriage. I didn’t even know I was pregnant.

Thank God I was wearing all black.

I threw a towel down on the floor, ran to the bathroom and cleaned myself up the best I could.

Then, you know what?

I went back and I finished that damn hair cut.

I bled for eight days.

I was young. I was stupid. I didn’t know what was going on until I finally went to the doctor on the eighth day. He confirmed my suspicion.

I told Redbeard. He was sad for me but there was nothing he could do.

This was not the last time Redbeard knocked me up, but that’s another story.

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