Home

When people ask me the generic question, “Whats the craziest thing you have ever done?”

I just sit there and stare blankly at them. I mean, I never know how to respond to that. I suppose now (when asked) I can just send them the link to this story.

Another tale from the year I turned 21. Enjoy!

I was dating Stilts at the time. The company Stilts worked for had to fly him to out to Chicago for a week on business. Stilts asked me to tag along.

We flew out of LAX on a Tuesday morning. This was just a few months after 9/11. We arrived at the airport three hours early in  preparation for our flight. We waited for most of the three hours in line at the security gate. We were already fighting.

Yes, I was a loose, drunken skank. However, Stilts was a cheap, selfish asshole. He made plenty of money but still made me pay for my half of dinner (after insisting we go to an expensive restaurant). Plus, stilts was always telling me what was wrong with me. I’m perfect!

One time Stilts came into my salon for a hair cut. I butchered his beatles cut on purpose. He looked really stupid for a month after that.

Ha ha ha!

Back to the story. Stilts and I arrived in Chicago and to our hotel room. Stilts went straight to work. I watched daytime television in bed and ordered room service.

That evening stilts and I went out to a club. There was a dance contest. I entered and won an autographed CD. The DJ presented it to me. He thought I was cute so he bought me a drink. After, I introduced him to Stilts.

The DJ’s name was Kitty. This was fitting considering that he was wearing cat ears on his head and had whiskers drawn on his face. He was tall with neon red hair. He was also a bisexual (still not my first).

Kitty told Stilts and I about a loft party in a high rise. He would be DJing there later in the week. He invited us to go.

We said maybe. We had just arrived in town and didn’t want to make any commitments yet.

I got his number just incase.

The following night Stilts didn’t feel like going out, he was too tired so I ventured out alone. I went to a small bondage club that I had researched before the trip. I was wearing a short, low cut, black vinal dress, fishnet stockings and eight inch stripper heels (seriously, the taller the better).

I walked inside and lit a cigarette, I ordered a drink. The bartender made it and handed it to me. I reached for my money, he stopped me and then pointed to the ground to my right.

I looked down.

Thats when I saw it!

No, it wasn’t another midget!

Whats wrong with you?! Like I would run out of material already!

Pfffffft!

Please!

No, it was a black man in bondage gear (leather pants, a dog collar and black boots). He was on his knees. His mouth was wide open. He had his hands folded behind his back.

I looked to the bartender, confused. He just shrugged and walked away.

The man spoke:

“Excuse me, madam, but I would like the honor of buying your drink. I will also continue to cover the costs of all you can consume tonight.” He said.

“There’s just one thing I would ask of you.” He continued.

“In exchange for my generosity I would like to be your human ash tray. Your slave for the evening.”

OK. This was fucking weird. Lets take a moment to discuss this.

The first problem I was having was the whole black/slave thing. I mean, come on! Thats just fucked up no matter how you look at it!

Next he wanted to eat my cigarette ashes!

Ok, I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t even care.

I reached my cigarette holding arm above my slave and ashed in that mother fuckers mouth!

He really loved this!

I wanted free drinks!

I got over the black thing right away.

Slave started to say something to me. The club was loud and I was already sure I wasn’t gonna fuck him, so, I told him to shut the hell up. He listened and continued to buy me drinks as promised.

I slid off the bar stool and took a walking tour around the club.

I entered a dark room. Pushed against an even darker wall was a giant, wooden cross. The cross had thick leather straps attached to it.

The room was steamy from the fog machine.

Standing next to the cross, holding a leather whip was my new friend, Kitty.

What luck!?

Kitty was excited to see me too. We hugged hello.

“Good to see you! Where is Stilts?” Kitty asked me.

“Stilts was too tired, he works again at five am tomorrow.” I answered.

Then, Kitty noticed Slave.

“I see you have met Slave.” Kitty said. “He is here every week. Is he bothering you?”

“No, it’s OK. He’s buying me drinks!” I said.

“Not anymore. I am.”

With that Kitty released Slave.  Slave was a little disappointed but went on to the next dumb slut anyway.

“Who’s going on the cross tonight?” I asked.

“You game?” Kitty smiled at me.

“Hell, ya!”

Let me stop right here! Now I know this may seem weird to some of you reading about this for the first time, but listen, I was into the bondage scene. I went to these clubs all the time in Hollywood and Las Vegas. This was my norm.

I took off my dress and rested it on a chair. I was in a black lace bra, black thong panties, black fishnets and my monster heels.

Kitty took my hand and helped me onto the step. He pressed my chest against the cross and tied me against it with the leather straps.

Then, that man, again wearing his fuzzy, leopard print, cat ears: whipped my ass.

Thats right! He pounded me with his leather paddle.

This continued for a half an hour or so. We danced the rest of the night. We also talked. Kitty didn’t like that Stilts was leaving me alone in a hotel room all day long. Kitty thought I needed company. He said he would come visit me the next day.

As the club was closing kitty called me a cab and promised to visit after I got some sleep.

I got back to the hotel room and passed out. I dont even remember stilts leaving for work.

I just remember the knock on the door. It was around noon. My head was pounding. My ass was sure and purple from the spankings. My mouth was literally dried shut! I grabbed some water and walked over to the door in my panties. I looked through the peep hole.

It was Kitty.

I opened the door. Kitty walked inside. He had something in his hand.

It was some sort of  suction machine. It had tubes and cups attached to it. I had never seen anything like it!

“What the hell is that?” I asked him.

“It’s for fun.” Kitty grinned.

Kitty took off his pants and pushed me on the bed. I got under the sheet. Kitty did too. Kitty pressed his lips to mine.

The door handle turned.

Stilts walked in.

There we were! Kitty and I in bed together.

Only, Stilts didn’t get it.

I’m serious. He had no fucking clue what was going on!

Kitty was still wearing his shirt. I had on my bra. We were both under the sheet from the waist down. The TV was still on from the night before.

Stilts didn’t even notice the torture device on the floor!

Stilts sat on the bed to the right of me. I was inbetween the two of them!

“Hey dude! Hows it going?” Stilts asked Kitty.

“Pretty good man!” Kitty responded. “I just stopped in to say hi and bring you guys a flyer to that loft party I told you about.”

Then, I felt it!

Kitty’s hand was under the covers, he slowly moved it up my thigh and into my panties.

Kitty was finger banging me!

“Work let me out early today. The computers were down, can you believe it?” Stilts explained.

Oh my God! I didn’t know what to do.

Then, a Christmas miracle!

Stilts got up to take a piss.

Once he shut the bathroom door I pushed kitty off the bed and slapped his hand. Kitty was proud of himself! He was laughing hysterically!

“Get out of here!” I ordered.

“No way! Then Stilts will know for sure something is up. I can’t believe he didn’t say anything!”

“Get the fuck out!”

I pushed kitty out the door along with his box-o-doom.

Two days later Stilts had finally finished his work. We were flying home early the next morning.

Stilts suggested we go to Kitty’s loft party that night.

I always like going to parties!

The loft was huge. All the walls and windows were covered with black paper. There were flashing red lights. The music was thumping.

In the middle of the gigantic wall was a make-shift DJ booth. At the booth, spinning, was our friend, Kitty.

He again had his cat ears on. He also was dressed like a clown, a FEMALE clown. He was wearing floppy shoes, white face make-up and an orange, foam nose.

We said hello. We danced. We drank.

Next it was time to break the seal.

I looked for the bathroom. There was a huge line. I got in line. It was taking forever. I was gonna piss myself.

I needed a plan.

I walked up to the first person in line. He was a heavy man in his early thirties. I smiled at him. He smiled back.

“Listen.” I said, “This is a loft space. I know there is probably a shower in there. I’m about to urinate on the floor. Is there any way you would consider letting me go in the bathroom with you and tinkle in the shower? I promise not to look!”

As it turns out, the mans girlfriend was right behind him.

She was very drunk too.

She thought this was hilarious.

Also, brilliant. As a matter of fact she couldnt wait any longer to go herself.

She went into the bathroom with us and pissed in the toilet, making her guy use the sink at the same time I squatted in the shower.

We peepee tag teamed!

image

Other people in line liked this idea too!  As a matter of fact the line continued: pissing in groups.

I’ve always been a trend setter.

There had to, seriously, have been 20 people in line and one shitter.

It was a killer (clown) party!

Once my bladder was relieved I looked around for Stilts. I couldnt find him. I didn’t care, he was annoying me all night anyway. I was enjoying my space.

So, I did what any shit wrecked, psycho whore would do at a party on her last night in the windy city.

I crawled under the Dj booth, lifted up Kitty’s clown skirt and made his umbrella magically disappear.

Thats right!

I sucked off Kitty, The Cross Dressing Clown, under a table, while he was spinning, at a party my boyfriend was at.

Yup.

I did.

I finished him off. Then I crawled out from under the table and guess who was standing right there!?

Stilts.

He still had no clue.

“Where were you? This party blows. Lets go back to the hotel.” He said.

“Fine. Let me say bye to Kitty.”

I walked up to kitty to say adios when I got the next surprise.

Kitty leaned in, he whispered something in my ear,

“I’ll pick you up from the hotel in an hour. I’m going to take you home to meet my friend Mike.”

Kitty had just invited me to my very first two guy/one girl threesome.

Much like all young girls do, I had  fantasized about this situation since I was old enough to reach orgasm (14 if you were wondering). Kitty was about to make my dreams a reality.

I left with stilts. Once we got in the cab I picked a fight with the dumb bastard. I argued with him for exactly one hour. Then I said I would meet him at the airport the next morning and stormed out with my luggage.

I walked through the hotel and down the front entrance not a second too soon. Kitty was just pulling up. The passenger door opened and a sexy, long haired, tattooed (you know my type already by now, dont you?) Man let me inside the car. It was a bench seat.

I was already the cream filing of the oreo!

Omg! I was so excited! My panties are wet right now just remembering!

We got back to Kittys place. I was stripped, spanked and hand cuffed to the bed. I had man parts flying all around me! Kitty’s pink, clown car took a spin! It entered the back seat of my love tunnel, Mikes meat stick was not far behind. It was coming for me!

And then…….ploooooooop.

Gone.

Single most disappointing moment of my life.

Mike had stage fright. He never recovered.

The sun was starting to come up.

Kitty drove me back to the hotel.

Kitty, being a gentle clown, carried my luggage to the elevator.

We got inside. I pushed the button for the 14th floor.

Kitty farted.

“Excuse me.” He whispered obviously embarrassed.

Not too embarrassed.

Kitty farted again.

This time he said nothing.

Actually, Kitty continued to blow ass the entire 14 floors!

My disappointment had turned to disgust.

I was trapped in an elevator full of smelly, circus helium!

I was thinking to myself,

“This is probably how those circus freaks get their tents to stay up!
That is probably what those huge balls used for balancing elephants are filled with! I bet those circus assholes blame the smell on the monkeys.”

I got out of the elevator and ran back to the room just in time to catch Stilts.

We didn’t speak the whole trip back.

I ran into stilts a few years after this all happened. I confessed the truth to him over some wine.

He didn’t believe me.

Grossest elevator ride, ever!

5 thoughts on “Kitty Kitty Gang Bang

  1. Pingback: A Compilation of Bad Dates! | It's not my fault.

What do YOU have to say about this? Comment here!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s