Okay, so I am sure by now many of you have noticed my cold, sometimes heartless and odd sense of humor. It leaves you both disgusted, curious and shamefully addicted. Well, I’m pretty sure it all stems from my childhood. After all, it’s really our parents faults, right?
My childhood was different from most, I grew up with a mother who is a sociopath. Now if you have been following along from the beginning you have read some of the earlier stories from my childhood. My mom is known to do continuous harmful and extreme things at a whim. Things that constantly shock people, leaving them unable to understand.
The reason she does such things is because she is actually missing a part of her brain, the part that would allow her to feel empathy or love. Instead, like most sociopaths, she views humans as pawns in her games and enjoys the challenge of controlling people. Although she is incapable of feeling love, she has in fact learned to mimic the emotion to use as a tool (usually to gain pity). As far back as I can remember, she has always had a small group of people around her that she has manipulated, though unable to keep long-term friends. She always has been able to isolate her partners as well as her sons in her bubble of manipulation. I was never one of them, I am the only person she has not been able to control.
Now, obviously this has left me pretty fucked up. I constantly seek out men with the same disorder in an attempt to gain their love to fill the void or what not, right? Finally, I have realized this and am beginning to see that there is absolutely no point in trying to gain love from someone who is medically/physically incapable of loving to begin with (thanks Grim ahahaha). There is no cure for antisocial personality disorder, nor medications that can treat it.
SO, let me tell you why I am a mutant! Wahoo!
Okay so being a child of a sociopath I kinda had the opposite of the “love mirroring.” Instead, I began to mirror the cold, complacent, heartlessness that she expressed on a daily basis. I have grown the tools to shut down as well as the sick and twisted humor someone lacking empathy would enjoy. Also, I have acquired a set of skills for manipulation.
You take my mirrored sociopathic skills and mix them with my already victim embedded mind frame, I make the perfect charm for any sociopath. At first I am almost a mirror to them which makes me intriguing. Then, once they get into my head they find a great competitor. Already, I am a willing participant in the intense, kinky sex-capades they enjoy with almost no limit (for those of you that have read the book).
In the end I always lose, because there is one thing I still have that they don’t. The ability to feel love and empathy. Eventually, I always fall short, and get my shit handed to me on a platter after my emotions disgust them.
Turn this around and put me with a normal guy. I am horrible to him. Like a sociopath would do, I find regular love boring and need a challenge. I will dominate, manipulate and be disgusted by their emotions.
In short, are there any other children of sociopaths/antisocial personality disorder out there?
I want to date YOU!
(Don’t worry Iggie and Red, I will continue my therapy and work on wanting the normal guy)
There really isn’t much information out there on children of parents with this disorder, especially mothers, since the disorder is so common among men, you know, like: serial killers, rapists and politicians!
The new book is going in this direction, in case you all haven’t noticed! Don’t worry, it will still be laced with plenty of my sick humor!
Feel free to compare these stories for a reference: