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Lets face it guys, “It’s not my fault, Self Discovery & Admission” is a piece of literary garbage. Even using the word “literary” is a bit of a stretch, right? My blog is no better! Containing shocking photos that humiliate myself and stories that cause others to (shutter and) pity me. I will be the first to admit that I have no idea what the hell I am doing. My art(?) is just spewing out of me. I didn’t go to school for writing and I certainly didn’t earn an English degree! Why, I went on to beauty school…..

Yet, even so, she has an audience. Hundreds (even thousands on occasion) log onto my site everyday and the majority of them stay and read on. This site averages roughly 5 clicks per visit. That’s amazing!

THANK YOU!

Once this bad boy blog took off I figured why not compile the “best of,” write some new stuff and slap it all together into a novel. Lately I have been doing what anyone with the aspirations to have their book be successful does, soliciting poor yet helpful souls for book reviews in exchange for a complimentary copy.

Now, intentionally putting yourself in the spotlight to be judged by strangers is an emotional thing for everyone. However, there is only one way to succeed and that is by being known. My work is not vanilla. As a matter of fact, I humiliate my amazing boyfriend on a daily basis as well with my writing.

“I want people to like you for you first, before getting to know your work,” he has told me. “People have the assumption that you ARE your character. I know you write ‘fiction’ but how much of it is really true?”

I understand where he is coming from, the way his family could feel after being exposed to the train wreck scenario of “It’s not my fault.” I mean, I get it. I have had my share of stalkers, diluted fans and obsessed sociopaths all attracted to my character. Google sends me child molesters and perverts alike on a daily basis. My number one hit story is called, “Smelly Pussy” which actually pertains (not to sex) to a dead cat.

My ex husband continues to follow and insultingly comment, threatening to use my blog in court against me to gain custody of our daughter. Family members accuse me of using it to bash them. I even lost a friend because her mother and sister stalk the site and think it’s my diary.

My mothering abilities have been on attack from the get-go. “You are embarrassing your children,” has been accused of me many times. My response to that is: My children, right now, are too young to use the internet. When they reach the point that this could become an issue it will either be done and removed OR it will have turned into something. The motivation behind all the work I do is to succeed financially and be able to give my children the secure home that they deserve and need to thrive. In real life, I do not partake in crazy and reckless behavior that endangers my children. Actually, I am probably the most reliable and hard working person you will ever know.

Very boring. Sorry to disappoint some of you.

On the flip side, I have had people come to me relating to tragic events in their lives and needing someone to share their personal stories with, without having the fear of judgement. People have told me things they would probably never dare tell anyone else and I do my best to give them positive guidance (with the reminder I may not be not the ideal role model).

So today and long over due, I received (on goodreads.com) my first “bad,” review.

I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review.I expected a humorous, self-deprecating, crude, but insightful look at the author’s life. It certainly is honest – the author shared very intimate and candid moments of her life. But it was far too crude for my taste and, while there were humorous moments, I really didn’t find it very funny at all. Instead, I found myself feeling sorry for her or wondering why she would get herself into some of these situations (or not get herself into them in the first place!). After all the crazy situations she describes in the book, it didn’t seem like she really learned from them or grew. It was just a continuous stream of bad experiences with no real point to it.

My first response (after reading) was to contact the writer of the review to thank them for their time spent not only reading the book but also the time it took to post the honest review, as well as to ask for them to share it on the sales sites, Amazon and Barnes & Noble. I could not do this because as it turns out, Goodreads blocks contact between the reviewer and author after such a review is posted. I get that some writers may find it difficult to accept negative feedback but constructive criticism is a necessity for career growth.
I want potential buyers of my book to know what they are getting themselves into!
To conclude, love it or hate it, “It’s not my fault” IS. She now has her own little place in pop culture.
Although my character is NOT me, she is a part of me. Her stories come from things taken from my own personal life transformed into (what I consider to be) hilarious accounts of bizarre and unusual situations she finds herself in. I incorporate an attitude about life I took from people in my past, which I consider to be a sociopathic perspective.
I aim to venture into new territory and be original with my content. Take every situation to the extreme and then push it just a pinch further. To take a risk with my work by exposing much more than the average reader is expecting and the average author would dare to.
The only thing I wish I could change about a few of my reviews is how LITERAL some people can take my writing. Confusing myself the writer with Asterisk (*****), my alter ego, if you will, due to my first person style.
Or perhaps, I am indeed being too sensitive.
Thank you guys for your continued support!

12 thoughts on “Trash, Filth and a Complete Embarrassment

  1. I think your blog is fantastic. Your writing still is crisp and professional, and the content of your stories is hilarious and easily relatable for me. I would also love to read your book, but being a starving artist has put it lower on my list of investments. If you would like a review, hook me up with a copy and I will happily return the favor.
    In addition, I’ve been wanting to hook you up with peachesmag.com, I think you could make some fantastic contributions, especially after I heard they need some more humorous content. Do you do anything like that?

  2. You are what is commonly referred to as a “train wreck”. That’s why people pay attention to you, and you apparently have such low self-esteem that you consider this an acceptable way to get attention. It’s the same reason people watch “reality” TV shows. They are sadists who delight in other people’s humiliation. It’s the same mentality porn stars have, being “proud” to have men release bodily fluids on their faces.

    … and the fact that you know how screwed up you are means that you are a masochist. It actually is “your fault”, now, because you’ve been told what you’re doing is wrong, an embarrassment both to you and to your family, yet you continue to do it.

  3. I think the reviewer maybe lives a very boring life. I screw up a lot myself, but at least I’ve lived a lot more interesting life than a lot of people… oh, and this part just made me laugh… After all the crazy situations she describes in the book, it didn’t seem like she really learned from them or grew. ha ha ha still laughing…

  4. I enjoy reading your work whether it is pure fiction, or completely true I feel that no matter where you are on earth, people could relate to your stories. Even if you have never been in the specific situation, or perhaps they describe your experiences to the letter, the way you describe things is frank and perhaps some people may find it shocking. I don’t think it is shocking at all. I think that people need to stop being shocked and trying to “make sense” of this world we live in. Keep writing. There are plenty who will keep reading. 🙂

  5. Following up on what Yankee said. You present a lot of scenarios; though bizarre, they are situations that anyone can relate to, no matter their background or lifestyle. The fact that people get worked up over what you post, is a testimony in itself, that you are a talented story teller. Me on the other hand, I have the opposite problem with readers. My life is the definition of absurdism; so, people automatically assume what I write is fiction. Maybe I am a fictional character from one of your stories, that grew a life of their own. ❤

  6. Pingback: How Everything Changed | It's not my fault.

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