It was within my twenty first year of life that this story begins. Much like I still do now on occasion, I decided that I was destined for **Super*Stardom**. So I did what any little nut job with a hot body and a minuscule degree in cosmetology would do. I plopped my ass down in my little two door Ford and sped away to the Hollywood hills! Okay, well I hauled ass to the 605 freeway and then sat in traffic for three hours…

….but eventually I had arrived. Really, it wasn’t even Hollywood I had arrived to a little neighboring town called Burbank. The salon I had an interview at was just across from a movie studio so who was I to judge?

The sign on the building read, “Waxing Pathetic.” Yup, this was it. I parked on a side street and made my way inside. Once to the door, I was greeted by a red head with an enormously crooked schnoz.

“Hello! I’m Carla! You must be Asterisk!”

“Yes,” I said, “Great to meet you.”

I extended my arm and handed her my mostly empty resume. I was just three years in the field at that point in my life and only had worked at two salons prior. Carla didn’t seem to mind. She told me I could be a commission stylist and she had plenty of foot traffic in her salon to accommodate a new employee. All I had to do was supply my own product and I could buy it directly from her. I found out later she kept a cut. Actually, she kept a lot more than that but I’ll have to tell ya about that another time.

Moving on…

Carla was a makeup artist by trade, but it was just a temporary gig. You see, Carla was really a cunt an actress and just about to make it big!

I gladly took the position with stars twinkling in my idiotic eyes.

I had now dedicated my life to the freeway and spent several hours in traffic each day commuting. Waxing Pathetic was not the booming new salon Carla had made it out to be and mostly I spent my time on shift being Carla’s little bitch assistant. If she needed coffee, I went. Something returned at the mall, I was sent to do that. When she had packages to ship from her neglected cosmetics line, I did that too. Carla even had me hand write at least 50 apology letters to all the people she had overlooked to fulfill orders to that year.

The biggest problem was I wasn’t paid for any of it. I wasn’t even making enough to cover my gas. Seeing my frustrations, one of my fellow slaves co-workers came up with a brilliant plan!

“Listen Asterisk,” she said to me one morning when I was down in the dumps, “What you need is a part time gig, you know something just temporary to make a little fast cash until your clientele is built up.”

“I know, Patty,” I responded, “but I haven’t a clue what I could do.”

“There is this really cool bar called, Bimbo’s Clown Hole. You should apply there. It’s a bikini bar but it’s not trashy like a strip club or anything. It’s a cool ‘rock star’ hang out! If I had your body, I would totally do it!”

WHAT?!?! Did she just say rock star?

I was in!

Patty was a rather large white girl with a head full of micro braids. I figured she must have known what she was talking about, because one time she told me that her mother had posed for Playboy Magazine. Genetics sure are tricksters!

That afternoon, Patty took me out for drinks to bury my nerves, then down to Bimbo’s Clown Hole. After a short introduction with the owner, I got on the stage and slid my lady slugs down the filthy ol’ pole.. It worked and I was hired (you can read more about that here).

Afterwards Patty took me out dancing to celebrate at the goth club. Well, it was half dancing but the other half was free slave labor for Carla. She had us out there passing out flyers for her upcoming “art show” at the salon. We had a box of about 1000 of those suckers. Most people would just glance at them before tossing them onto the ground.

Then something amazing happened.

With my arm stretched out, I locked blue eyes with the sexiest piece of man chow I had ever seen. He had on black guy liner and a bandanna, tattoos as far as the eyes could see, leather pants and black hair that rested just past his scrawny hunky shoulders. He took the flyer and stopped walking.

My heart stopped too.

“Waxing Pathetic?” he asked.

“Yessss,” I purred like a kitten, “You should stop by sometime, I could, touch up your color.”

“I’m also a hair stylist. I have heard of this salon. Cool.”

“Oh, Iiiiiiiiiiiii….”

“I’ll take your number anyway.”

 POW!

I wrote it out as fast as I could. He took it from my hand, gave me his own card and winked goodbye. I looked down to read his name, Devil Danny.

ME-fuking-OW!

I looked up at Patty, “It says, Devil Danny, do you think that’s really his name?”

Patty rolled her eyes, “Wow, are you into that dude or what?”

“Did you see him? He was HOT! Do you think he will call me?”

“Oh my God, He will call!”

The next morning I arrived to work chipper and probably just as annoying as a shit stain. I checked the client books, another day and still no appointments. I shrugged it off while day dreaming of my studly-devil.

Carla watched me look at the books and then take a seat at my hair station.

“Oh, don’t worry about not having any appointments today, Asterisk! I’m putting in new cabinets! They are all set up outside waiting for you to paint them! You have plenty work to do today!”

Cunt!

I stomped outside, opened a can of “White Lily” and started slathering it onto the furniture letting the drip marks form. I was still a bit tipsy from the night before and the hot sun beating on the back of my neck wasn’t helping any. I was about to drop kick the stupid bucket of paint when I heard it.

My phone was ringing and it was a number I didn’t recognize.

Quickly, I answered and it was him, Devil Danny!

He had called to ask me out on our first official date.

Obviously.

The week leading up to it was eventful. That didn’t make the time pass any faster. I slaved away at Waxed Pathetic by day and earned a few dollar bills shakin’ my booty at the Clown Hole by night. I was the youngest girl working and definitely the hottest (though I didn’t know it then). It was the kind of place that old strippers went to die. Seriously, I could probably score a job down there right now, no problem! Even with my rippled, bad boob job, stretch marked stomach and saggy old lady ass! Plus, Courtney Love had worked there once!

I’m getting off topic again.

The first date!

I met him at his house, why if he was a murderer and rapist, I was prepared to be his latest victim. He wasn’t, and whisked me off in his jeep to get coffee. Once we had arrived, he asked me what I would like and had me take a seat while he ordered us our beverages.

Danny was a gentle-satan.

“I have a confession,” D.D. said, after placing my cup-o-joe in front of my face.

“Oh, you do?” I asked, already interested.

“I was dying to meet with you sooner but I didn’t get paid until today. I really wanted to take you out to a nice dinner but I’m just starting out in my salon and I haven’t built up a clientele yet.”

I blushed so hard I thought my skin would leak blood. My satanic prince and I were kindred spirits!

“You really didn’t have to worry about that. I would have been happy just hanging out with you,” I admitted.

“A lady like you deserves to be treated like as such.”

Was this dude the best or what? I mean COME ON! To die for HOT and now he was saying all the right things.

Devil Danny told me that he was the lead singer in a band and promised that he would burn me one of his CD’s. We finished up our coffees and he drove us back to his place. On the way, he turned on the radio.

“I want to share with you, one of my favorite songs,” he said.

The music started playing and I couldn’t believe my ears! SERIOUSLY?

Ba dup bup bup, “Rubber ducky, you’re the one!”

IT WAS KERMIT THE FROG! DEVIL DANNY WAS SINGING ALONG AND HE KNEW ALL THE WORDS!

Ba dup bup bup, “You make bath time so much fun!”

Then, Devil Danny looked me in the eyes as he sang, “Rubber ducky you’re the one for me!” 

I wish I could say this was the first time a man had sung me a children’s song but sadly I can not! I didn’t even care. The devil had a voice like an angel, even when singing Sesame Street. I couldn’t help but think what a great dad he would make someday.

We pulled up to his house just as the song was ending. Devil Dan-Dan got out and walked to my side to open the car door for me. Once I was out he grabbed me by the hand and looked directly into my eyes, “I want to invite you in but I know that if I do, bad things will happen.”

Pfffft!!! Devil Danny didn’t know it yet but I had already decided to sacrifice my body to the dark side! Instead of slaying the beast, I contained myself. Then, he planted a kiss on me that was so intense I was pretty sure he had sucked out my soul.

Devil Danny promised to call me with plans for our next date. Reluctantly, I got into my car and drove home.

Anyway there is more to this story but I will have to finish it later. Stay tuned! In the meantime:

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Read Part two NOW! Devil Danny #2