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I’m starting this off with a picture of my tits to encourage you to read this crap even though they have absolutely nothing to do with this post.

20140321_184518

(Last time I tried this I scored a paid ad, and frankly I could use a little cash!) 

The year that followed…

One of the biggest pieces of advice one is given after the newly conscious recognition of a narcissist/sociopath is to not run out and expose them. The main reason for this advice, is that nobody believes you and you just make yourself out to look like the crazy one.  Until somebody has actually encountered one and come to this realization all on their own it’s pointless.

It’s been a year now since my grandfather died and my kids and I were left homeless by the narcissistic abuse of the woman monster who birthed me. I wish I could tell you that things have gotten better by now but I can’t. I’m still stuck in the run down motel, my sociopath ex is playing games with my daughter and still denying me my legal visitations and phone calls (except sporadically and under his terms) all the while convincing the world that I have “abandoned” her. I can’t even begin to discuss the pain this is bringing me and tell people who ask about her that I can’t talk about it while breaking down in tears.

Fuck you sociopaths!

My emotions have been up and down and I beat myself up on a regular basis. Anxiety attacks happen almost daily. I get so low all I can ponder for a solution out of this is suicide, only to have that idea squashed by the constant fear of dying.

A perfect purgatory.

Fuck you mental illness.

One of the better things to happen to me was meeting my love, Sam. However, Sam can’t relate to what I’m going through and this causes many rifts in our relationship.  Sam has given me work and an occasional safe haven, just enough to get by yet not enough to live on. Meaning, he pays my rent. That’s it. Plus a few handouts when I cry that I’m hungry.

*My salary is basically punishment to stay living in this dump when all I want is to make a permanent home with him.

My job search has continued on this entire year and although I have been hired places, none of the jobs offered, paid enough for me to afford to stay. Meaning gas, childcare and housing costs were more than I would have brought home.

Pretty shabby after a 15+ year career that I more than excel at.

Fuck you economy.

After another bout of “I can’t do this anymore!” I went back to the welfare office with my tail tucked between my legs to once again apply for benefits. After all the criticism from judgemental friends who accused me of over exaggerating my situation and scoffed at me for not claiming my “American rights” at a free ride, I was once again denied.

*No food stamps, no daycare assistance, no housing, no wic (which is a private charity), and lastly no medical benefits….That is unless I coughed up the small amount of child support we have been surviving on (the state would allow me to keep $50 a month, so generous!).

*That’s right! I could collect benefits from the state that equal LESS than what I can’t already afford to feed my kid on! Way to go America!

For everyone in America who still thinks the poor can survive on welfare, fuck you too.

I recently had a “friend” message me to say, “My husband was just laid off! Tell me everything you know about being a loser on food stamps and WIC.”

I WOULDN’T KNOW!

Fuck you fake friend!

Some days I can relax and I feel like I’m home with Sam, when I cook his meals and clean his house. Then others he reminds me how it’s temporary. He makes it clear that his immediate family will always come before me and that I need to “prove myself” because my hard work both in his home and in his office apparently are still not enough.

While Sam’s daughter gets to sleep securely in her own room, I have a son who is bounced back and forth between Sam’s couch and our hotel futon, and a daughter I can even begin to fight for until I can reclaim a steady home.

As Sam reminds me that this is not his fault.

 

Security seems like a lifetime away and the more I push Sam to let me say goodbye to this hotel (that I’m basically only living at when his mother is in town) the more he backs away and stays unsure.

Banished back to the motel!

 

I can’t take the uncertainty of anything anymore….

In spite of everything, I’m still trying everyday! I work my ass off for Sam because I believe in him and I appreciate everything he has done for me.

Fuck your uncertainty, Sam!

My birth monster is back and once again using my grandmother as a means to get at me. This time conveniently using the supposed tragedy of her brother in law- Meaning having an excuse to stay with my grandmother and using her to call me repeatedly in an attempt to get my son over there to see her…The last time my son saw her she was taking his home away from him.

FUCK YOU LINDA!

You will never win.

Now, for the announcement!

“It’s not my fault. Sacrifice & Survival” has just finished her first official round of out sourced editing thanks to my new and magnificent editor! If you don’t already, you should really follow his blog:

ON THICK ICE

 

*Be ready for her early summer release.

 

Once she is finished, I will begin releasing my memoirs, the stories of my family tragedy etc.

And for the love of christ, someone please buy one of them! I dropped a deuce in the toilet earlier, and once again, it’s still hanging out in the bowl because the people who run this shit hole I live in DON’T CARE!

Buy a book, save a life!

(if you buy paperback make sure the seller is ELECTRIKKISS otherwise you won’t be buying from me)

….and if you don’t, fuck you!

(Seriously, my son and I can hear stranger sex in the room next door and it’s not cool people! Seriously, not cool.)

 

Here is a story that was inspired by this blogpost, GO! 

 

 

139 thoughts on “Fuck you! And here are some tits…

  1. 50 years ago the term fuck you was taken literally. In my catholic house it was a seismic warning that the old man was home and someone, usually me was about to get a fucking beating. I was a student in a community college when I began to use the word fuck freely and it was liberating. No shit. The walls didn’t crumble, the sky didn’t fall and I wasn’t swallowed by the earth. Using it to parse sentences and hyphenate words was a mother fucking source of strength. Like you I used it to find my own way bringing down the bullshit walls of restraint. Say it, let it rip, breakout from the demands of others leaving them to their own jail. Fuck them and the life imposed on you. Fuck having accepted rules and the assessment of others and free yourself one thing at a time. You may find your own self and how fucking good you are. Fuck it. Do it. BTW from my chair you got great fucking tits. Nothing says welcome home for the holidays quite like cleavage.

  2. The first thought I had when I saw your post was…”Boobies!!!!!!!!!” so I guess that picture truly did grab my attention 😉

    Sounds like you are going through a rough time. Don’t give up. Keep writing and the money will come! I’m really sorry you have to deal with some shitbags now, but unfortunately there is no island we can send them to!

  3. May thumbs go up on the book sale, though no need to show tits to get me over here.
    I like your stories. I love reading them.

    still thanks 😀

    Life is a bitch but no need to scratch the eyes out. How else would I be able to look at your picture. He he at least I am being honest somewhat.

    keep on smiling. it suits you best.

  4. No doubt, you got my attention as well. I wish you many blessings and a complete life turnaround, and fast! Keep on fighting and you will get there girl!

  5. yep…a rack I can only dream to have but never will as gravity and age start to mingle…
    Great post as usual and keep on funny lady! 🙂

  6. Sorry…but nice boobs. Yea I agree that public assistance is not enough to live off of, I’m on disability. And I totally yell at the TV when some political figure is trying to tell me that people can live on it.

    Yea… No you can’t.

    Anyways I hope things get better for you, sorry you’re in the situation you are.

  7. I wish you all the luck in the world. I’m in a very similar boat, and it isn’t easy. Something’s going to bounce in your favor, eventually.

    Oh, and thank you for the picture. It certainly lifted my — er — SPIRITS.

  8. “Fuck you! And here are some tits” Thank you for this. And you look really awesome with the nose ring. Your posts are always worth reading, even without a sexy selfie.

  9. After taking a break from looking at your picture I read the post in its’ entirety. I just want to encourage you to keep fighting. I will definitely purchase a book in the near future.

  10. My X-dad and X-baby-sister are sociopaths, so I know a lot of your frustrations. CRAZY how these nut-jobs can find out where your buttons are, and make you appear to be the one off-balanced. Keep your eye on the positive, and put more space between yourself and those toxic relationships. Keep the faith!! There is light after the tunnel! (We actually have a LOT in common, reading the above. I’m not crazy, but I’ve had an exceedingly crazy life.)

    And I read incessantly; I’ll buy a book.

  11. oh my lord honey.is this true?I want you to know that I love you. that people do care about you. your life can’t leave so bad of a taste in your mouth because you know me. I know you’re going to say this is narcissistic/ ego. it’s true. I love you your good friend. I don’t wanna know say what your boyfriend is doing is wrong. if I could take you and your son in I would. you never really got to know me. You tried tho I WAS too scared too dumb. I don’t want to hear any more of the suicide talk. you know how close I came to offing myself on many occasions. (those feelings have finally left me). I don’t know if I will ever find real love again but it’s not going to be my fault. I willdo my part and remember not to over stretch my limitations on love. that love is a 2 way street. so lonelyI have occurred from my self hatred. is not so bleak anymore. with my son laying next to me I will never be alone just lonely. he saved my life.

  12. Don’t feel like you have to show your body to get people to read your work – you are a great writer with a lot to say. Let your work speak for itself… don’t feel like you have to cheapen it. Just hate to see great talent go to waste!

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  14. Just been reading some of ur posts, great writing and, yes, im in this post because I just couldn’t go past the boobies headline and pic either. And a great back ground pic to match, sexy but arty lol. Anyway thanks for liking our Anzac post, It’s hard starting out and even knowing if anyone apart from my auntie is reading so it’s fantastic to get a like from someone as prolific and entertaining as you are so thank you and keep up the great work! From Bang at Moshpod

  15. You got me. All the same I read your gripping post since I’ve travelled much the same path – except (a) i’m not a woman, mother even worse and (b) i live in Australia where welfare is farer. You are important so keep writing. Thanks for Liking me.

  16. Just bought your book via the Amazon Kindle store. I won’t be able to read it until my final exams are through but I hope my purchase helps. It can be hard to relate as the system where I live is very different – here people generally abuse wellfare, healthcare is free and the differences are vast. I’ve always wanted to move back to the States but maybe Czech Rep isn’t so bad. Anyways, thanks for visiting my blog and can’t wait to read your book.

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  19. Holy shit, you are NOT helping me here. I was just looking at my newest discovered blog, to like READ it, and there you are. I’m not offended, just trying to be good. You’re fine, but I’m evil incarnate. All this and smart humour too, I LOVE my latest discovery, your writing is brilliant and you. I’m a writer and you’ve made me a babbling idiot; I have no idea what to say. Remember Megara from Hercules? https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/2e/fd/09/2efd09d7a9d66af94fc9fbb6b269ea09.gif

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