Shoulder Humped

It was back in June of 2013 that this story unfolds. It had only been four months since my grandfather passed away and I had been scapegoated by my family and forced into a motel with my two children. Sam and I had not been hanging out very long, a little less than two months (You will find those stories in the second book).

On a moonlit summer evening, I was standing with Sam outside of his small rental house as he leaned up against his car and grabbed me by my hand, “Listen Asterisk, I just wanted to talk to you about something. Well, about us. If we are going to do this then I want to know if you are my girlfriend.”

I really didn’t have to give it much thought, “Yes, I guess so.”

“What I mean is this is a monogamous relationship, no seeing other people.”

“I understand. I’m fine with that.”

“Cool,” he said with a smile, before leaning in to swoop me up inside his giant frame for a bear hug.

That next afternoon we were watching TV with our kids when my stomach began growling.

“I’m kinda hungry,” I admitted to my Pooh Bear.

“Me too! Me too!” the kids shouted in unison.

“I could eat,” Sam muttered in his usual monotone voice.

“Cool! I’ll make you a list,” I suggested.

“I’m not going, it was your idea,” Sam spat out.

“Seiously?” I asked.

“You are the one who is hungry,” he pointed out.

“So are you!” I exclaimed.

“Nah, I said I could eat. I could take it or leave it. You go.”

“Ugh, I hate you!” I yelled as I got up to make my way out to my car. Once inside I drove to the fast food joint. Just as I was entering the parking lot my phone began to ring. I looked down to see the caller ID. “Major Beauty” it read. My heart began ponding out of my chest. I had been waiting for this phone call all week. After several months of hopelessness, I was scouted for this job and the month prior, I had passed through six previous interviews. Right now I was about to find out my fate. I needed this job more than anything and I was more than qualified. This would be the opportunity I had been waiting for, I just knew it!

“Hello?” I cautiously answered.

“Hello, Asterisk?”

“Yes, this is she.”

“Hi, this is Sally from Major Beauty, how are you today?”

“Hi Sally! I’m great, so glad to hear from you.”

“Ohh you are sweet. Well, I wanted to first apologize for not getting back to you sooner. As you know the management position came down to you and one other candidate. It was a tough decision for us to make. Unfortunately, we decided to go with the other candidate just because she has a little bit more experience than you. This decision is not what I wanted, not what I felt in my heart but I did not have the final say on the outcome.”

My own heart sank.

“Okay, I understand. Thank you for your time.”

“However,” Sally continued “I still would like to offer you a fulltime position as a hair stylist should you want to take it.”

“Sure, I would love to,” I lied.

“Well that is great! Along with the position you would also be first in line for the assistant manager in training and perhaps later down the line we could offer you a promotion if all goes well.”

“Thank you so much Sally.”

“The position will not be available until September as we have previously discussed. I will contact you next month with a start date.”

“I look forward to it, thanks again.”

“Thank you Asterisk! Talk to you soon!”

I hung up the phone as tears rolled down my cheeks. The other candidate wasn’t more experienced, I knew exactly what had gone awry.

The day of my interview with the GM I scoured my closet for the perfect outfit. I wanted something classy yet still stylish. My closet was virtually empty and I lacked any funds to purchase something new. I settled on a lace dress that was sleeveless on one side with a pair of black tights and boots with a small heel. Once to the interview the GM arrived almost a half an hour late. I had spent my time waiting, straightening up Major Beauty’s nail polish section. I was nervous but also really excited as this was to be my fifth and final interview for the company. The other four had all gone extremely well.

In walked an awkwardly tall woman wearing a wrinkled suit that was a size too large for her. Immediately I noticed her fine hair a bit matted with a good inch of white roots.

I shook her hand.

“Hi! I’m Asterisk! It’s great to meet you!”

“Hello sorry about the wait,” she mumbled. “I hit traffic.”

“No problem! I’ve enjoyed the time away from my kids,” I joked.

“Follow me to the office,” she instructed. “Have a seat,” she pointed once inside.

The GM closed the office door behind her and quickly pulled out a note book. A second later she glanced up at me.

“I must get this out in the open right away, I’m utterly shocked that you would show up for an interview in that outfit.”

“I’m sorry?” I said, taken aback.

“I’ve never seen anyone come to an interview dressed like they were going out to a night club.”

“I’m very sorry. I was trying to be fashionable as this is a salon,” I apologized. “I previously worked for hotels and I know for sure to dress formal to those types of interviews. I must have misread the atmosphere.”

“You should know better especially coming from a hotel. I actually have my degree in fashion design and even there you would never see anyone dressed this way.”

“I’m very sorry,” I apologized again.

“Okay, Asterisk… Have you ever managed a store before?”

“Yes, I currently manage a store my boyfriend owns. I have also managed a salon in the past.”

“I still can’t get over your outfit,” she shuttered.

As a matter of fact that bitch brought it up after every third question in the entire hour long interview. By the end I felt emotionally beaten up and drained. I left there knowing my chances of hire had been demolished. However, a few days later I was given a second chance! That time I wore slacks, a button down dress shirt and pointy stilettos.

That bitch had loved it. Though apparently not enough.

I pulled my car into the drive thru and ordered an enormous Oreo shake and curly fries in an attempt to eat away my sorrows. I also loaded up on my families requests and cried the entire way home.

“So what Asterisk? You were offered a job! That’s great news!” Sam tried to console me.

“No Sam, I don’t want to be a hair stylist! I want to be a manager!”

“If you want to be a manager so bad just keep working for me. The second store will be opened next week and you know I could use some help. I can’t pay you anymore than I am now though.”

“I don’t want to be paid! I want to live with you, then you won’t have to pay me!”

“It’s too soon,” he lectured.

“I know, but I’m here all the time anyway. I got to get out of that motel! I hate it there!”

“Asterisk, we’ve only been dating two months.”

“What about in a year?”

“Yah, okay. We can discuss moving in together in a year.”


The next day, I called Sally and told her I would not be taking the job. She said she was disappointed but understood.

The following week was hectic as Sam and his friends prepared the new store for opening. They worked all day and all night to get everything just perfect. When opening day finally came, I joined Sam for his first shift.

“You are the manager so I expect you to set up all the utilities!” he barked.

“Okay, are we going to open now?” I asked.

“In a little bit!”

I did all the dirty work and then some. I updated the website, the yellow pages, the store blog and even had us listed as many places as possible online. Sam was busy doing some “final touches.”

“When are we going to open the doors?” I asked a second time.

“In a few minutes,” he promised. “How about some lunch?”


After we scarfed down a full days worth of grub, I cleaned up the mess and once again suggested we finally open.

“Come here,” Sam ordered. “Just, sit down for a minute.”

“Oh my God, we have been sitting down all day long! Let’s make some money already!”

Now, by his next move I should have known Sam was desperate because he did something he had rarely done before and probably never did again after.

Sam grabbed my boobs!

“Take off your shirt!” he ordered “Let’s christen this shop!”

Now I have never been one to turn down sex, especially in an exciting new place and Sam was a man who was rarely interested. So I did what any sex deprived nympho would do, that’s right! I flung off my shirt, hiked up my skirt and pulled down my already moistening panties. Sam unzipped and pulled out his rapidly inflating joy stick. With both hands, I pushed up my Pooh Bear’s honey pot belly out of the way and straddled his lap, consuming his girth deep inside me. It didn’t take long for our game of Tetris to come to a moaning halt. Once I felt him expel the contents of his nuts inside me I skipped into the bathroom and cleaned up the best I could.

“NOW CAN WE OPEN THE SHOP?” I begged once I had returned.

“Maybe tomorrow. Let’s take off, I bet we can beat traffic.”

“No Sam! We came here to open today!” I lectured.

“It’s not finished.”

“Sam, the store has been finished. Honestly we probably should have opened yesterday.”

“I’m… not ready.”

“What do you mean, why not? We are losing money right now.”

“Tomorrow. We can open tomorrow,” he insisted, grabbing a pad lock and pulling the security gate closed.


“Just fucking stop already!” he screamed.

The tone of his voice put me into shock. Quietly, I followed his instruction and helped him close everything down.

Once in the car, I turned to face my mountain of man, “Do you want to tell me what’s really going on? Seriously Sam, why wouldn’t you open today?”

“It just doesn’t feel right. Just fucking drop it Asterisk! I’m serious!”

I began to tear up and sulked the entire trip home. Once in the driveway, I reached for the car door, “See you later,” I said.

“I thought you were staying over?”

“No, I think I’m gonna just go back to the motel.”

“Listen, I’m sorry I flipped out on you. I can’t pin point what it is but I’m just not ready to open the store yet.”

I let out a sigh ad then reached for the handle once again.

“Asterisk,” he whispered.

I looked into his nervous, red and blotchy face.

I love you,” he mumbled.

Taken off guard I froze, then I grabbed his face. “Thank you,” was all that would come out.


  1. As inexperienced of a dater as I am, I think my boob-grabbing rate is quite high. …That sounds a lot creepier than reality, lol. I always ask first (lame, I know). …Except for maybe repeat dates… Well, let’s just say I’ve never been slapped for it so I assume I haven’t been rape-y. …Not sure why I’m confessing this randomness here, lol.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh and I totally feel for you. I’m always the kind of person who “rushes into things”. Not asking for a life-time commitment contract on the spot or anything, but you gotta try to know if things work out, right? It always frustrates me when people want to take things slow. Makes me feel like they’re just not that into it or they’re looking for reasons not to proceed or something.

    Also frustrates me when people say surprisingly selfish things. I’m generally a very kind and giving person who does a lot of things for people (read: gets used like a tool). It really baffles me how some people can be so openly selfish towards people they supposedly care about (regarding the food thing).

    Liked by 1 person

      1. we all make bad decisions. If you read my new article I state “it’s frustrating when you realize all the online dating sites are filled with assholism or douche-bag syndrome people. LOL

        Liked by 1 person

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