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A few weeks after Sam and I started hanging out his mother came to town for a visit.
“You will love my mother, don’t worry!” he had promised me in lieu of her arrival.
As I did most afternoons after dropping my son at school and enjoying an early run, I showered and headed down to Sam’s retail store to grab him lunch and keep him company the rest of the afternoon. Only this time when I arrived, he wasn’t alone.
In the middle of the store was a frumpy woman with a broom. She didn’t bother to look up as I made my way inside.  Actually, she barely bothered to look up after Sam introduced us.
“Hey mom, this is Asterisk. Asterisk, this is my mom, Donna.”
She made eye contact about as far as my breasts, mumbled something I assumed was “hello” and then she began, or perhaps just continued, some sort of rant against her 32 year old son.

“This place is a disaster! Don’t you clean the store at all when I’m not here?”

A customer wandered in but Donna didn’t seem to notice.

“Hey,” Sam mumbled to the customer without bothering to get up from his place on the worn out couch he had been resting on.

“I was looking for a particular brand and was wondering if you had it in stock,” the customer quizzed Sam.

“I’m not your maid! I work my own job, I shouldn’t have to come here and sweep your floors on my day off,” Donna continued to lecture her adult son.

Immediately I felt it. I knew right away, Donna was a narcissist. I watched Sam heft himself off of couch and almost lose his breath in doing so. Once he was up, he tugged up his jeans just enough to cover the majority of his plummer crack and then waddled his way up to the counter to assist the customer.

Donna continued her cleaning rant by stomping her way to a broom closet in a huff and then making her way into the back room.

I sat on a barstool next to the counter and waited for Sam to complete the sale. Once the customer had left, I leaned into my “friend” and asked him what he wanted for lunch.

“I already ate,” he admitted.

“What? Seriously?” I asked, taken aback.

“Yah, my mom bought us Subway.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? You knew I was coming here to get us lunch,” I lectured.

“You can still get lunch and eat it here.”

“No, I can’t. I’m broke,” I reminded him.

Sam sat back on the couch and began puffing on his electronic cigarette. Just then Donna walked back out with a Subway sandwich in hand. She looked me in the eye and for the first time, then she smiled.

“It was nice to meet you,” I said to her.

“I’ve got some things to do. I’ll see you later Sam,” I lied.

“Okay,” he said, sounding a little confused. Though he didn’t bother to move from his place on the couch while he watched me walk out the door.

Upset over the loss of my lunch plans, I went back to the motel I was living in, opened a can of tuna and took out my computer to do some writing.

Later that night I received a text from Sam, “I’m not really sure what happened earlier.”

“Seriously? We had lunch plans and you had your mom bring you food and you didn’t bother to offer me any or even let me know that our plans were cancelled. That’s pretty rude Sam.”

“I didn’t know we had lunch plans. Besides, my mom offered.”

“We have lunch together everyday. It’s a standing plan. You could have at least offered to get me something,” I lectured.

“She was buying.”

“Whatever Sam. How long will she be in town for anyway?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“A few weeks maybe? I’ll find out,” he promised.

A little while later, most of my anger had blown over and I was feeling a little playful. I sent Sam a sexy text.

“Lying in bed all alone, wish you were here and naked next to me.”

A minute later I had a notification of a new text. Smiling to myself, I picked up my phone to see what my dude had written back, only the text wasn’t from Sam.

Nope!

“Hi Asterisk, this is Donna. Sam is asleep now so he can’t text you back.”

HOLY SHIT WHAT?

Yup, seriously. Sam’s mommy read my sexy text and decided to text me back while Sam slept passed out on his living room couch.

The next morning I woke up to a text from Sam, “My mom wants to know if you want to come over for dinner tonight.”

“I really don’t want to hang out with your mom, Sam. Sorry. Especially after last night!”

“Last night?” he asked.

“Your mom replied to my text!”

“What are you taking about?”

“I sent you that naked text and then your mom texted me back saying you were asleep! How did she even get my number?” I asked. “How embarrassing!”

“Oh, I doubt she read it. My phone just shows the name and number when people message me… She was just trying to be helpful,” he added. “Come on Asterisk, if we are going to be a family one day, we all need to get along,” he begged.

“Your mom gives me bad vibes. She’s a narcissist Sam. I mean she was in your store lecturing you in front of customers. That’s beyond bad, it’s unprofessional!”

“My mom is really sweet. Trust me, she was just having a bad day. You will love her. Please come by,” he pleaded.

Having nothing better to do and wanting to give Sam the benefit of the doubt I obliged. That evening I stopped at the store and grabbed a bagged salad, some rolls and a pre-made desert with my last $20 to contribute.

Though dinner went okay, I couldn’t shake the feeling I had about Donna. I tried to let my guard down, and unfortunately, eventually I did.

But that’s another story.

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18 thoughts on “Broom Buster

  1. Hell of a way to make a first impression with a grown offspring’s significant other. This is why I never had anyone over the house when I was “living” with my parents. I didn’t want them subjected to my “mother”.

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  3. Pingback: Go Team Hypocrite | It's not my fault.

  4. Pingback: A Mother Lover | It's not my fault.

  5. Pingback: Mistress Habanero | It's not my fault.

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