I left off last time after having a weekend visit with my 6 year old daughter back in October. It was my first visit with her since June. Although I have a legal court order that states I am to have her one weekend a month of my choosing my ex husband Frankie refuses to allow it. He also refuses court ordered holidays. This is what happened when I tried to see my daughter over this most recent winter break, having been granted the first half.
Now, I certainly didn’t ask him for any money, so why is he all of a sudden trying to give me money in exchange for letting him keep our daughter over the holiday?
*We were told in court that we both had permission and that it was recommended that we both document our conversations. I refuse to remain silent and allow my child to be victimized and I will continue to publicly document my journey as long as I need to.
*I never made any promises or arrangements with Frank. On the contrary, I spent the entire year battling him in court prior to this order. In August of 2014 Frank refused to return Violet to me for her regular 2 week/2 week spilt and instead enrolled her in school a year early without my consent. Because of this he only allowed me 2 visits the entire year. Winter and Spring breaks. The police would not enforce the original court order we had and instead told me to take Frank to court. Our trial wasn’t until the following March and we didn’t get the verdict until the May; The day after mother’s day without my daughter.
*Though I was ordered to pay child support starting last May, I had been unable to. I also have an 8 year old son who lives with me and I work 6 days a week yet still don’t make enough to cover the rent on our studio apartment on my own, and the gas it takes me to drive roughly 100 miles a day round trip. I have a 17 year career but the cost of living is insanely high in California and I’m still trying to recover from the crash of the economy. Due to another custody battle with my son’s father I am unable to relocate outside of the state of California. My Daughter is in Nevada. I’ve been sending payments whenever I can in partial amounts as of January 2016.
*It was determined in court that Frank had in fact denied me visitation and he was verbally scolded by the judge, yet still given full custody despite the fact that the court is technically supposed to side with the parent most likely to allow a relationship with the other parent.
Though he was not provoked, Frank decided to bully and threaten once again a few days later. I did not respond.
I waited until closer to the holiday to try again for my legal visitation.
*Though I was unable to track down the post from August, here is one from September of Frank denying me my ordered monthly visit UNLESS it happened to fall on a 3 day weekend.
Once again I sent him a picture of the court order in hopes of changing his mind.
Not only did he admit to stalking me on social media, he’s threatened me over the money again. Strange? Not long before this he was offering to give ME money to take her on the days he wanted.
*Frank lives at home with his wealthy parents so money isn’t a concern for him except when it can be used against me. As a matter of fact, he told me he had been putting the child support money I send into Violets savings account which, I was told contains more than $10,000 already.
So, out of desperation, the next day I packed up my son and we drove all the way to Las Vegas from Long Beach and headed to the police station with the court order, on my only day off.
Though the clerk was sympathetic, she explained the laws to me. There was nothing I could do. The police can’t enforce a civil court order. All I could do was take Frank back to court. I already learned last time the court didn’t seem to care that my child was being alienated from me.
I was given an escort to Frank’s house by two police cars. The officers were kind enough to knock on his door and request he give me my legal visitation. He refused. Not only did I not get to see my daughter for Christmas, I didn’t get to see her that day either and was sent all the way back to Long Beach with nothing but a police report documenting his refusal.
My son was devastated.
Finally, Frank agreed to letting Violet visit on January 15, 2016. Roughly 3 months since her last visit as it fell on his required 3 day weekend. Unfortunately, last minute, he almost changed his mind.
Frankie fails to mention here that he and his father chain smoke cigarettes in both the home and vehicle while Violet is present. Because of this, Violet has retained a chronic cough. She is sick everytime I see her.
*He did not take her to the doctor the following day.
The next day, Frank decided to allow Violet to visit after all. We met in Barstow, CA.
Immediately following his departure, the non-stop harassment began.
* Although he had been ordered in court not to contact me during violets visitation (unless during an extended visit), he contacted me non-stop none the less by text message and email.
He tried desperately to get a reaction out of me.
*The court order specificity states that all exchanges of our daughter are to take place at 6pm in Barstow, CA.
My kids and I had a blast being together and I did my best to cram in 3 months worth of love and affection in under a 3 day time period. You can see how happy my daughter was to be with me.
Halfway through the visit my daughter made a confession to me, “My daddy scares me. He gets really made and hurts me. He pushed me down on my dolls.”
Hearing this broke my heart but did not surprise me. I left her father after he physically abused me several times and then drugged me and left me to die in a bath tub. He also tried to kill my son by wrapping a balloon string around his neck when he was a toddler.
Though she had her usual cough, she certainly didn’t act ill. The final night she was there, I did notice the cough getting heavier and suggested to Frank he take her to the doctor when she returned for some antibiotics. Since it had been 3 months since I had seen my daughter prior to this, I did not know prior to the visit she had her first two adult teeth coming in. As a matter of fact, they were almost fully in yet the baby teeth were still there! I worried that it could be making her ill. I reminded her to wiggle them constantly, picked up some medicine for sore mouth at the local pharmacy, and also asked Frank to make sure she got them out.
Much too soon our short visit had come to an end.
On the drive to Barstow I started to notice a change in Violet’s behaviour. She pulled out one of the 15 dollar bills Frank had packed for her and began tearing it to pieces.
Not long after, the three of us were at McDonald’s in Barstow having lunch and waiting for Frank to arrive. He was several hours late.
“Mommy, I want to play!” my daughter told me.
“After you eat your lunch.”
“No! I want to play now!” she demanded.
“You must eat something first.”
The situation set off a fit.
Actually, it was the first one since she had been back. I figured it must have had something to do with her impending return to her father.
After several seconds of Violet loudly moaning and rocking, I sent her to time out and walked her to a corner on the far side of the restaurant. There she began violently kicking, hitting and scratching my arms, legs and face.
“Violet, stop. This behavior is not ok. It’s not ok to hit.”
Finally she dropped to the floor and began rubbing on her crotch.
Shocked and embarrassed, I picked her up and moved both kids to the car to wait. After Violet had calmed down, I had her climb into the front seat on my lap and held her for the last time.
The jacket she was wearing, that had come from her father’s house stank like cigarettes.
“Why did you act like that?” I asked her. “You had been so good this whole time, these are our last few minutes together, can we enjoy them?”
“Why did you grab yourself down there?” I asked. “Has anyone touched you there?”
“Well my dad, but only sometimes.”
I didn’t press much more.
*Does anyone know anything about testing a child for such a thing without traumatizing her? She has also made this comment multiple times in the past, “My daddy says he doesn’t need a girlfriend because he has me.”
Eventually Frank showed up.
Within minutes of our departure his harassment ensued.
I beg of my audience to please share this post far and wide! Not just in the hope of finding help for my situation but also to spread awareness of what’s happening in our American court system!
Think my nightmare can’t happen to you? It can! This is becoming an epidemic and I’m hearing more and more stories of this happening on a daily basis!
My situation is why most battered woman do not leave their spouces. They sacrifice themselves to save their children. I had no clue when I left him on a restraining order that my nightmare was just beginning!
I had no idea that I would be sacrificing my daughter in this way!