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I left off last time after having a weekend visit with my 6 year old daughter back in October. It was my first visit with her since June. Although I have a legal court order that states I am to have her one weekend a month of my choosing my ex husband Frankie refuses to allow it. He also refuses court ordered holidays. This is what happened when I tried to see my daughter over this most recent winter break, having been granted the first half.
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Now,  I certainly didn’t ask him for any money, so why is he all of a sudden trying to give me money in exchange for letting him keep our daughter over the holiday?

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*We were told in court that we both had permission and that it was recommended that we both document our conversations. I refuse to remain silent and allow my child to be victimized and I will continue to publicly document my journey as long as I need to.

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*I never made any promises or arrangements with Frank. On the contrary, I spent the entire year battling him in court prior to this order. In August of 2014 Frank refused to return Violet to me for her regular 2 week/2 week spilt and instead enrolled her in school a year early without my consent. Because of this he only allowed me 2 visits the entire year. Winter and Spring breaks. The police would not enforce the original court order we had and instead told me to take Frank to court. Our trial wasn’t until the following March and we didn’t get the verdict until the May; The day after mother’s day without my daughter.

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*Though I was ordered to pay child support starting last May, I had been unable to. I also have an 8 year old son who lives with me and I work 6 days a week yet still don’t make enough to cover the rent on our studio apartment on my own, and the gas it takes me to drive roughly 100 miles a day round trip. I have a 17 year career but the cost of living is insanely high in California and I’m still trying to recover from the crash of the economy. Due to another custody battle with my son’s father I am unable to relocate outside of the state of California. My Daughter is in Nevada. I’ve been sending payments whenever I can in partial amounts as of January 2016.

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*It was determined in court that Frank had in fact denied me visitation and he was verbally scolded by the judge, yet still given full custody despite the fact that the court is technically supposed to side with the parent most likely to allow a relationship with the other parent.

Though he was not provoked, Frank decided to bully and threaten once again a few days later. I did not respond.

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I waited until closer to the holiday to try again for my legal visitation.

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*Though I was unable to track down the post from August, here is one from September of Frank denying me my ordered monthly visit UNLESS it happened to fall on a 3 day weekend.

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Once again I sent him a picture of the court order in hopes of changing his mind.

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Not only did he admit to stalking me on social media, he’s threatened me over the money again. Strange? Not long before this he was offering to give ME money to take her on the days he wanted.

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*Frank lives at home with his wealthy parents so money isn’t a concern for him except when it can be used against me. As a matter of fact, he told me he had been putting the child support money I send into Violets savings account which, I was told contains more than $10,000 already.

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So, out of desperation, the next day I packed up my son and we drove all the way to Las Vegas from Long Beach and headed to the police station with the court order, on my only day off.

Though the clerk was sympathetic, she explained the laws to me. There was nothing I could do. The police can’t enforce a civil court order. All I could do was take Frank back to court. I already learned last time the court didn’t seem to care that my child was being alienated from me.

I was given an escort to Frank’s house by two police cars. The officers were kind enough to knock on his door and request he give me my legal visitation. He refused. Not only did I not get to see my daughter for Christmas, I didn’t get to see her that day either and was sent all the way back to Long Beach with nothing but a police report documenting his refusal.

My son was devastated.

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Finally, Frank agreed to letting Violet visit on January 15, 2016. Roughly 3 months since her last visit as it fell on his required 3 day weekend. Unfortunately, last minute, he almost changed his mind.

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Frankie fails to mention here that he and his father chain smoke cigarettes in both the home and vehicle while Violet is present. Because of this, Violet has retained a chronic cough. She is sick everytime I see her.

*He did not take her to the doctor the following day.

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The next day, Frank decided to allow Violet to visit after all. We met in Barstow, CA.

Immediately following his departure, the non-stop harassment began.

* Although he had been ordered in court not to contact me during violets visitation (unless during an extended visit), he contacted me non-stop none the less by text message and email.

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He tried desperately to get a reaction out of me.

*The court order specificity states that all exchanges of our daughter are to take place at 6pm in Barstow, CA.

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My kids and I had a blast being together and I did my best to cram in 3 months worth of love and affection in under a 3 day time period. You can see how happy my daughter was to be with me.

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Halfway through the visit my daughter made a confession to me, “My daddy scares me. He gets really made and hurts me. He pushed me down on my dolls.”

Hearing this broke my heart but did not surprise me. I left her father after he physically abused me several times and then drugged me and left me to die in a bath tub. He also tried to kill my son by wrapping a balloon string around his neck when he was a toddler.

Though she had her usual cough, she certainly didn’t act ill. The final night she was there, I did notice the cough getting heavier and suggested to Frank he take her to the doctor when she returned for some antibiotics. Since it had been 3 months since I had seen my daughter prior to this, I did not know prior to the visit she had her first two adult teeth coming in. As a matter of fact, they were almost fully in yet the baby teeth were still there! I worried that it could be making her ill. I reminded her to wiggle them constantly, picked up some medicine for sore mouth at the local pharmacy, and also asked Frank to make sure she got them out.

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Much too soon our short visit had come to an end.

On the drive to Barstow I started to notice a change in Violet’s behaviour. She pulled out one of the 15 dollar bills Frank had packed for her and began tearing it to pieces.

Not long after, the three of us were at McDonald’s in Barstow having lunch and waiting for Frank to arrive. He was several hours late.

“Mommy, I want to play!” my daughter told me.
“After you eat your lunch.”
“No! I want to play now!” she demanded.
“You must eat something first.”

The situation set off a fit.

Actually, it was the first one since she had been back. I figured it must have had something to do with her impending return to her father.

After several seconds of Violet loudly moaning and rocking, I sent her to time out and walked her to a corner on the far side of the restaurant. There she began violently kicking, hitting and scratching my arms, legs and face.

“Violet, stop. This behavior is not ok. It’s not ok to hit.”

Finally she dropped to the floor and began rubbing on her crotch.

Shocked and embarrassed, I picked her up and moved both kids to the car to wait. After Violet had calmed down, I had her climb into the front seat on my lap and held her for the last time.

The jacket she was wearing, that had come from her father’s house stank like cigarettes.

“Why did you act like that?” I asked her. “You had been so good this whole time, these are our last few minutes together, can we enjoy them?”

“Ok Mommy.”

“Why did you grab yourself down there?” I asked. “Has anyone touched you there?”

“Well my dad, but only sometimes.”

I didn’t press much more.

*Does anyone know anything about testing a child for such a thing without traumatizing her? She has also made this comment multiple times in the past, “My daddy says he doesn’t need a girlfriend because he has me.”

Eventually Frank showed up.

Within minutes of our departure his harassment ensued.

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I beg of my audience to please share this post far and wide! Not just in the hope of finding help for my situation but also to spread awareness of what’s happening in our American court system!

Think my nightmare can’t happen to you? It can! This is becoming an epidemic and I’m hearing more and more stories of this happening on a daily basis!

My situation is why most battered woman do not leave their spouces. They sacrifice themselves to save their children. I had no clue when I left him on a restraining order that my nightmare was just beginning!

I had no idea that I would be sacrificing my daughter in this way!

21 thoughts on “Co-Parenting with a Narcissist 2: The Nightmare Continues

  1. It’s sickening to read what he’s doing to you. The courts in Australia are just as bad. Just keep hanging in there and loving violet with everything you’ve got, because once she’s older, she’ll know you’re the parent who truly loves her. Her father is unbelievable. The comments he made are so typical of an abuser – he just wants to make it clear that you were beneath him. And that gives him pleasure. Are you able to shorten your messages to him at all? As in, keep it like you’re making a business deal with a stranger? That’s what I tell myself when I have to contact my ex narc. No emotion, only the facts he needs to know that concern access or the children’s welfare. Though I know it’s easier said than done. My heart broke for you reading through this. And poor violet being hurt by him. You sound like a really great mum! Sending you lots and lots of strength xxxx

    • Thank you RedSpag! I appreciate your support and your advice! I’ll absolutely Remember “business deal” next interaction. Sorry to hear the courts are so terrible there too. 😢

  2. Pingback: Co-Parenting with a Narcissist 2: The Nightmare Continues | The Story of my Twin Boys Oliver and Oscar Ferreira

  3. Your daughter has told you that her “father” is touching her inappropriately. You presumably have witnesses. If you haven’t filed a police report I strongly suggest you do so NOW and be as detailed and as consistent as possible. Your ex may very well be sexually abusing his own daughter, and with his constant violations of visitation court orders that should be enough to get her taken out of that hellish place. I don’t know what else to do to help but share this blog. If I find ny info I’ll pass it along.

    • Thanks Michael. I’m not sure she understood what I was asking and I don’t want to traumatize her more. But you are right, I need to have someone evaluate the situation. He has sent child protective services to my house several times. I guess they wouldn’t have been asking her questions about her, just me.

      • Time to turn the tables then. File a report with the police, state exactly what happened and what was said, provide all documentation, and ask what steps should be taken. Also place a call to child protective services and report to them what you saw and heard. Your daughter was giving out verbal and physical signs of suffering sexual abuse. Next time she’s over, do NOT let her go back to her father. Take her straight to a gynecologist and a child psychologist and to CPS and follow up.

  4. Omg. You’re exactly right. I stayed for. Very long time with my husband just because I was afraid that not being around, he would then take his issues out on the kids.
    My stomach is sick seeing as how my husbands mother is setting him up in a new apartment with a new car and all this… And I believe it is to try to get custody of the kids. I’m terrified. I know that it isn’t uncommon for Narcissists to sexually abuse their own kids. They’re only accessories after all. Objects of gratification.
    I’ll be keeping you in my heart and prayers. May your little girl’s Angels protect her.

    • Thank you. You will be in mine as well.

      It makes me sick too. They abuse, we leave and the real abuse begins. It’s a never ending battle and what makes it worse is that most people take the side of the abuser.

  5. My son, Julian Jacob “Worrell”: of family Saloom (just north of Houston, Texas in Tomball at Lakewood Elementary School, Harris County), just had his fourth birthday in-a-row (four years) with no contact with me. The presumed or adjudicated father and his trophy wife/”beard” and their families won’t even allow a phone call or mail, for no apparent reason let alone finding of fact or conclusion of law. I was a former educator and then supported my son very nicely in outside corporate and educational sales. The corrupt Pharisees have made sure to take “legal” measures to make sure I don’t work again and can’t afford to pay child support to an apparent millionaire who threatened in 2006 that if I didn’t show-up for the abortions he scheduled without my knowledge or consent and paid-for over the public Internet with a credit card, that he and his family would “ruin you [me] and ‘alien baby.'” I had no idea how “responsible” (referencing Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Marriage Initiative grants) man with intention to distribute large amounts of M.D.M.A., street drug name “Ecstasy,” pulled over in his convertible Mercedes in the same County of Harris on December 18, 2005 with five identifiable drugs and DUI/DWI in his system on his record could do, thus proving his pychotic, sociopathic, Machiavellian, criminally narcissistic talents could do with help from the lawless badges and bribed, black-robed bench warmers and falsely sworn affidavits with Texas Superlawyers who cost more than luxury vehicles (and that’s just the retainer). This man refused even to come to my son’s birth. He refuses all genuine efforts at forgiveness, as does his family. What is even more perverse is that the DOJ, supervised by notorious joint, inter-agency ABC “Rats” and deal-cutting informants and conflict artists, doles out grants knowing that these are the most likely samples of individuals to murder the private property “children,” thus contributing to de-population and the destruction of the America of which we once at least were allowed the grand “delusion.” Keep singing, kindred spirit! Wondering if, as son alleged, or was otherwise “coached” by father’s private, yet state CPS licensed, “play therapist,” Kimberly A. Abernethy of Houston, Texas, “Daddy” and “The Visitor,” as reported to hospitals, doctors, police, and, as required, CPS, really is as your former “Donut” bi-sexual as he used to attend swingers sex parties.??? Any hints as to what makes “Donut” a “Donut?”

    • Jesus! I’m so sorry and giant hugs!

      The man the Donut character was inspired by shares a name with a famous donut chain.

      Not as exciting as everyone thinks. Ha!

      Stay loud and keep fighting!

  6. Pingback: Co-Parenting with a Narcissist 2: The Nightmare Continues | julian's justice journal

  7. Pingback: Co-Parenting with a Narcissist 2: The Nightmare Continues | Mommy Gendercide

  8. OK, I did not fully read all of the above comments but did read the post. You are in a similar and not as bad position as my younger sister is in. She is a bartender, lived in NY was addicted and in pain and is 4’11” and was 90 pounds with a 9 yo son who is very violent and Autistic. she decided 1.5 years ago she was moving to Vegas and thought bc she is the mom she gets to take him while 5 days a week she is at the dad’s house mainly watched by the grandmom and aunt. The father did things with him but he flipped out when she decided to move. It has been a year plus since she saw her son and she is a union bartender paying half of what she was here, ggot a guy interested in her to marry her and she has not made an attempt. The ex bf flipped out, much worse texts from you and he got thrown into an insane asylum. None of this does anything but put my nephew in social services hands if the ailing grandmom is terminal. The Aunt is not able to watch him and even though there is a court order against the father from his son, my sister and her husband, he lives in the house with his son. Myself and my other sister, going through a divorce also are waiting for when the dad does something crazy. She has a gun and so does he and last year he fled NY and moved to Seattle, so he could be within driving distance and she has 2 state orders against him and he has investigators following her and her husband. He is back here supposedly but it is crazy. So this is one of those you may have some crazy stuff going on but my sister is worse and I still can’t understand how she is broke when she routinely gets drug tested and her husband is clean. it makes no sense as he actually pays all of the bills.

  9. As of this post, Frank has opened his FOURTH CASE against me through child protective services. Once again my son was pulled from school and interviewed. HELLO YOU ARE IGNORING THE REAL VICTIMS

  10. Unfortunately you too are in between states and jurisdictions. My sister filed various cases in both states. Did the same thing you both did with saving anything said. A witness would help. Record phone calls. The court order gets skewed if the other parent says there is abuse or lack of child support, which you are in the middle of both. The crotch touching will help you in court but I wouldn’t subject a child to possible testifying on that subject. My nephew says I do not like the other all the time and he gets spoiled by both. I hope your situation gets better, that your daughter is OK and doesn’t get physically or emotionally hurt any further. It is a horrible position and I have seen several women going through what you and my sister are going through. At least in your situation you are trying to get to your daughter. That is always a good thing.

  11. Im sorry i dont believe you one bit of who you claim to be. Drama and chaos follows you around. You have a 8yr old n a 6yr old from two different men in two Different custody battles. Did you lose sole custody? If you didnt then why are you willingly taking your daughter to a man that supposedly molesting her ane tried to drug you n leave you in the bath tub? I dont care what a judge said because if you have a valid reason you wont be in trouble. Then there is this “Why did you act like that?” I asked her. “You had been so good this whole time, these are our last few minutes together, can we enjoy them?” Dont ever ask a 6yr old why they act a certain way. They dont know!. You want her growing up to think its ok for people to ask why shes acting like that. Then you have the nerve to tell a 6 yr old “These are our last few minutes together CANT WE ENJOY THEM?” Her response was “OK”. Wow that was easy huh? She went from having a tantrum because she has to go with her father then suddenly is fine because its you last few minutes together. In the real world reminding her that “its our last few moments together” would have made her even more emotional, not understanding by saying “OK” She does not understand the world or whats happening. Thats if anything you claim is even true. You claim she started tearing up a $15 dollar bill because she had to go HOME To her fathers. IM sure that if she didnt have a problem telling you hes molesting her she would have plainly said she dont want to go home. But know she had to destroy something her daddy gave her. How convenient for you huh. “Why did you grab yourself down there?” I asked. “Has anyone touched you there?” Your asking a 6yr old with a LEADING QUESTION and who knows how many times or different ways you asked. She probably knows you dont like daddy one bit so to please you shell tell you who you want to hear.
    “Well my dad, but only sometimes.” Look at that response you quoted her saying. A six year old is giving you sophisticated answers and minimizing it “SOMETIMES”. Your using your daughter as a pawn to hurt him. Look at you how threaten him with “Im going to post this to social media if you dont give me what i want. What is social media going to do for you you besides run him thru the mud and validate you at the same time. Im not stupid and dont need to know you personally to know what type of person you are. Everything you posted here speaks for itself. Then asking if theres a way to test her without traumatizing her. Are you serious? OK for one thing take her to the drs or hospital and tell her they are going to see if daddy touched her, NOT REALLY…. Does she really have to know the REAL reason for getting a checkup. Its not hard to tell a 6yr old that shes getting a checkup, dont tell her that theyll be looking at her private area. Of course youll be present acting like nothings going on while a female dr checks her out then she wont be traumatized. You do know its not traumatizing getting a checkup right? Your going as far to pick out that the teeth are creating her cough. (Me: COUGH COUGH) Your throwing shit at him thats not even possible. Hey DOC my adult teeth came in and the baby ones didnt come out so i think thats why my toe nail fell off. Im going to give you some advice. YOUR MASK IS FALLING OFF BECAUSE YOUR TRYING WAAAYYY TO HARD TO DESTROY HIM. JUST BY YOU POSTING YOUR DRAMA ON THE NET SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. i HOPE YOU KNOW THAT POSTING LIES ON THE INTERNET ABOUT THE OTHER PARENT IS FROWNED UPON ESPECIALLY IF ITS NOT TRUE, ITS ACTUALLY SLANDER IF YOUR SPECULATING. Your screen shots dont mean nothing! I can get an app right now and switch every text anyone sends me with whatever i want, Time stamp and eveything. Whos to say that the conversation is even him. The dude texts you that hes almost there and you dont respond for once. YEAH OOOOKKK. I bet my reply wont even make it on here more than a day. One more thing people dont suddenly start molesting their own child while taking you to court while they already have custody.

    • Frankie is that you? Lol

      You are wrong, I won’t delete this.

      I think your comment is a perfect example of narcissistic gaslighting and victim blaming…

      You are the perfect example of the type of person who allows the bad behavior of abusers to continue on and why the world still isn’t changing.

      When someone is telling the truth, they have nothing to hide.

      So thank you for being that example.

      P.S. There is no such thing as a $15 bill.

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