It was about a month ago when I headed to the brewery with my pal, Penny. I hadn’t been out of my apartment since this entire Covid shit started and I was desperate to get some cold brew.
We hopped into the Uber together when an odd feeling hit me. I leaned over to my friend, “How do I look?”
“You look fine, why?”
“I look really hot in this dress, right?” I asked for confirmation.
“You always look hot.”
“Thanks, I just have this weird feeling. Like… I think we may run into The Prince, and he’s going to be with a girl.”
“I would say that’s strange. But, we probably will. Your premonitions have been pretty spot-on lately.”
“Well, if we do I’ll just ignore him.”
Our Uber pulled up to the restaurant a little while later, and we hopped out. Once inside I ran into people I actually knew IN REAL LIFE, and completely forgot all about my premonition of The Prince. We drank until the sun went down, and the bartender tried to pick me up as usual.
Once it was dark, I ordered us a ride home and went to use the bathroom. On my way out, the bartender stopped me.
“Hey, don’t be a stranger. I’ve missed you coming around.”
“I’ve missed going out! I’ve been trapped inside with my kids for months.”
“Come back next week, but make sure you don’t bring a date.”
It took me a second to figure out who he was referring to. Then it occurred to me, the last time I had come in, was with The Prince. “Oh!” I let out a nervous giggle. “Yeah, you don’t have to worry about him, that guy dumped me a long time ago.”
“Well he’s an idiot then. You deserve much better. How come you aren’t on the dating apps, like your friend, Bubble?”
“Oh, I’m not like that. I’m not an easy catch,” I warned.
“Are you two still hanging out?”
“No, we don’t talk anymore.”
He gave me an interested glance.
“Nothing happened, we just went our separate ways,” I said.
“Our ride is here,” I suddenly noticed Penny standing behind me.
“It was good to see you again! Bye,” I waved to him.
“No dates next time!” he reminded me.
I just shook my head.
Now, I’m going to take you back in time to early last March….
(and I promise that little story above will have some relevance at the end)
I remember that magic moment like it was an hour ago. The second my sweet Princy Poo walked through my door to stay!
He was wearing his work uniform, I reached out and gave him a giant hug.
“I should shower,” he said.
“You are just fine. I had a key made for you, it’s on the table.” I pointed it out, then opened up the fridge.
“I have something for you!” I teased. “Something I’ve been wanting to give you for a long time.” I pulled out a Stella Artois, popped the cap and handed it to my babe. “How long have we been waiting to have a drink together? At least a year, here we go!” I raised my bottle, “To your freedom.”
The Prince hesitantly stared down at his beer, “It just feels so weird,” he admitted. “It’s been too long. I don’t know if I should.”
His reaction caught me off guard. “You don’t have to! If you don’t want to drink, don’t.”
“Nah, I am. Give me a second.” After a moment he put the top of the bottle to his mouth and drank half of it in one gulp.
I giggled, as I sipped my own. “I’ve got dinner on the stove. Why don’t you finish that and take a shower. Food should be done by then.”
“I don’t eat when I drink,” he said.
“Oh? Why not?”
“I drink first. I eat at the end, then I go to bed.”
“Okay, well if you don’t mind, I may eat sooner, I don’t like to drink on an empty stomach.”
“You eat now. I’ll eat later.”
After his shower, The Prince and I put on some music and pounded the entire case of beer together. My phone had been blowing up all evening.
“Bubble keeps messaging me,” I told him. “She really wants to meet you.”
“Do you want to go out?” he asked.
“I told her I’d ask you, but I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to, being your first night here and away from family.”
“If you want to go out, I’ll go and meet your friends.”
“It’s just Bubble and Sal. Sal can pick us up, they offered to treat us to dinner. If you want to go, I can just pack up the food I made, for your lunch tomorrow.”
“Tell them we will go,” he said.
“Okay, I’ll tell her just for one drink. I’m pretty buzzed and we both have work in the morning.”
A half hour later, my friends pulled up. His Majesty and I, hopped in the back seat.
“So you just got out of jail?” Sal asked.
The Prince’s face turned the color of my thighs when I’m on the rag.
“Theo Lacy? I spent a year in there,” Sal said. “Petty larceny, actually been in there a few times.”
“Who do you represent?” Princy Poo asked.
That was all it took… from that moment on, Sal and The Prince were best buds. Not able to get a word in edge wise, Bubble and I started texting each other in the car.
We pulled up to the brewery and made our way inside. There, we were greeted by our favorite bartender.
“Hey,” I drunkenly slurred, “I want you to meet The Prince! This is the dude I had been waiting for all those months! He’s finally out of the pen!”
“Ah, nice to meet you, but sorry guys, we are closed tonight for a private event. We’ll be open again tomorrow.”
“Oh no, where do we go now?” Bubble complained.
“I know a place down the street,” Sal suggested.
As we made our way back to the car, the prince whispered sternly into my ear, “Asterisk, please. You must stop telling people I was in jail.”
“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry! I didn’t even think about it. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
“I am not embarrassed. People don’t need to know these things.”
“It won’t happen again,” I promised.
Five minutes later we were parked at another brewery, luckily this one was open. Before Bubble and I could even collect our hand bags, the boys had taken off down the sidewalk, continuing their convict conversation.
“Wow, they are really hitting it off, huh?” Bubble noticed.
“Yes,” I said, secretely rolling my eyes. After all, bubble wasn’t the brightest diamond in the ring.
“Aww! It’s so cute! Now we can both be in love, and our boyfriends will be best friends too, and we can hangout together everyday and…”
I stopped listening to Bubble’s rampant nonsense, and started to focus on my annoyance of being left behind by my date.
This was the first time we had ever gone out together, and The Prince didn’t have enough decency to help me out of the car, let alone escort me inside.
I decided to wave it off, I was happy he was making a friend and I wanted to keep the vibe up. Besides, I already had a bone to pick with Sal.
Once seated we ordered a round of drinks and appetizers to split. After downing two Long Island Iced Teas in ten minutes, Bubble excused herself to use the bathroom.
That’s when I decided to confront Sal. “I know you’re still dating that other girl,” I said to him. “It’s not cool, Bubble is in love with you.”
“No, I’m not, I broke it off with her a while ago.”
“Don’t lie to me, Sal. I saw the pictures you posted with her on social media, and your roommate told me anyway.”
“Asterisk, calm down. It’s cool,” The Prince chimed in.
“I’m warning you Sal, if you break her heart, you’ll have to deal with me,” I threatened.
Seeing Bubble returning from the bathroom, I leaned in and kissed my Princy Poo on the cheek, and gave Sal my famous, “death stare.”
After a few more rounds, we decided to get the check. Once it was placed on the table, The Prince reached for it and inserted a $100 bill inside.
“I was going to get that!” Sal said.
“No, no, no. It’s on me,” the Prince insisted.
“Thank you!” Bubble said.
“Aww, you’re the best, Babe,” I added.
On our way out, the boys once again, walked ahead. There was a couple exceedingly high on drugs sitting on the edge of a water fountain.
“Hey!” the man shouted, “Hey! How much money will you give me if I throw my girlfriend in?”
I didn’t look their way, and continued waking.
“I’m going to do it! I’m gong to throw her in the fountain!”
The woman remained on the side, consumed by her own hysterical laughter.
Bubble started skipping towards them while opening her wallet. “Umm, I have $5, how about five bucks to throw her in?”
“Bubble! No!” I scolded.
“I’ll take five bucks!” the man replied.
“God damn it, Bubble. Don’t encourage them, it’s freezing out. Someone’s going to get arrested. Let’s go!”
“Aww, but it’ll be funny!”
Not ready to deal with any bullshit, I grabbed my friend by the hood of her jacket and pulled her towards me.
Within seconds there was a loud splash. We all turned around to wittness the pair flopping around the frigid fountain like a pair of horny dolphins.
“Let’s get the fuck out here!” I said, then I glanced to the men, “Nether of you need to be around when the police show up.”
After being dropped off, I escorted my Prince to the bedroom and you can guess what occurred after that. I’ll save you the details this time, since The Prince had not yet rebuilt his newly un-incarcerated stamina.
But trust me in the weeks that followed he certainly did.
So, let’s hop back to the beginning of this story. Remember that premonition I had about running into my sweet Prince at the brewery last month? Well, he never showed up that night…
However, three days later, he fucking did!
That’s right, I came home to find his fat ass inside my apartment complex, standing next to his car, with…
You guessed it!
A complete downgrade. He waved at me and smiled. I just ignored him.
Si tu voulais me contrôler, tu n’aurais pas dû partir.
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